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A CALL TO MOMS!
By Michele Borba | March 13, 2006
Did you know that a recent survey found one third of parents would decide not to start a family if they could do it all over again?
As a parent educator who has worked with over one million parents and teachers in my career I’m seeing a trend that has my blood curling: I’ve never talked to so many mothers who are feeling so guilty and unhappy.
My own survey of 5000 parents I conducted for my book, 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising Happy Kids, found staggering results: seventy percent of moms say they are so overwhelmed and stressed that they have lost the joy in mothering. This is the most important role of our lives and should be the most joyous.
Countless teachers are telling me that they are seeing the same thing. Come on, Moms! It’s time to simplify and find that balance. I know it’s hard, and we all want our kids to succeed, but this isn’t helping them either. There are a few place (like in Minnesota) where the whole city said Enough and are finding ways to work together to be more child-friendly and reduce the tendency to over-parent. Let me know your thoughts. I’m on a mission to turn this around!
Topics: Parents Do Make A Difference |
6 Responses to “A CALL TO MOMS!”
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April 9th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
Hi, Michele-As a mother of two girls (4 and 7), and as a parent coach in private practice, I think there are so many factors at play as to why mothering has become so stressful. The media constantly bombards parents with conflicting messages about the “best” way to raise their kids, and at the same time, tells us to consume, stay busy, and “keep up” with others. The clients I coach tell me that they are overwhelmed, tired, confused, and just plain frustrated. How many parents go to bed saying to themselves, “Okay, let me think of 5 things I did well today in my parenting.” Instead, we are overly aware of our shortcomings in the midst of our fast-paced culture. I truly believe that we can change this state of affairs. I love your new book and truly feel we are kindred spirits! Thank you for your important work. I have used your books since I taught behavior disordered kids in the early 90s and especially loved the ones on self-esteem. I believe that when parents are aware of all the strengths they bring to the table, all the good that already exists in their parenting, that it frees them up to focus on what they really DO want. It takes time and comittment to figure out what you want when the culture is screaming several different messages to you..but it can and must be done. Parents know more than they think and are doing better than they think. Let’s use this to create more hope and energy for positive change!
June 4th, 2006 at 4:08 am
You are absolutely right about the over stressed mom!! How did this happen. I am reading your book and crying most of the way through it. I come from the great parents in your books and yet somehow this is SOOOO much harder than I thought it would be. I have two great daughters (2.5 and 4.5) and yet most days by the time I go to bed I am drained and can’t stand another minute of rushing and running. The “good old days” are not very good. I wonder will I look back on my kids youth and long for it like my parents do? I don’t think so. That makes me so sad that I can even write that!!! How did it get like this? work? Life? Marriage? Stress? I guess all of it.
Things are changing in our house though thanks to your books…the boldness is getting addressed and mom is stopping to listen attentively. We’ll take it one step at a time.
But you know what is the hardest part to deal with…..the surprise that this is not easy. I am a very successful daughter, wife, professionally and this is the first thing in my life that does not come easy. That is hard to deal with when the rest of the world seems to be living at my speed too. Why can’t I do like they do?
Thanks for “listening” I love your books!! My mom teaches parenting courses to addicted families in recovery and we talk about your approaches all the time.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
Christina
June 12th, 2006 at 5:41 pm
I think that much of the problem is the trend to strive to be Super Mom and to do so seemingly effortlessly. All of these classes that people are taking their children to at earlier and earlier ages are really putting a strain on mothers.
It is enough to keep up with family finances, doctor appointments, work schedules (even just dad’s), holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, daily tasks such as mealtimes, and lets not even mention trying to keep some sort of self identity before motherhood. Now becoming a Super Mom also consists of making it to swim lessons, soccer practice, piano lessons, computer club, dance class, gymnastics, and at least one play group.
Personally, I believe that one play group should be enough. In one playgroup the kids can go swimming, play soccer, make a baby band, click away on a Fisher Price computer, dance their hearts out, do flips, and learn all the important social skills. Not to mention… Mom gets some much needed adult conversation.
Parents’ night out type events are great too. Every parenting couple should plan at least one a month. It is important to feel free from time to time. Being Mom or Dad 24/7 can’t be healthy for an individual. I know I want to be just Rachel every now and then.
July 13th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Wow those numbers are staggering! I am the proud mother of three boys under three and deeply love my children…I couldn’t imagine not having them in my life. As crazy as things get in our house we have simple rules we try to follow.
- never yell (wether angry or just to ask something from upstairs to downstairs - we all talk face to face and look each other in the eye)
- listen to the kids - they have some fascinating things to say!
- play - the floors will still be dirty tomorrow
- support them and all their wacky dreams…I will never say to my children “you can’t”
And as a side note we are hoping for a fourth this fall!
July 23rd, 2006 at 7:07 pm
Hello Moms!
I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for chiming in and adding your voice. I love it! I’m so dazzled by this “SuperMom trend” - so sad that we have come to the point where we feel we’re making a difference on our kids’ lives if we have the longest to-do list. We’re getting away from what really matters in raising good, caring, responsible kids.
So hang in there. AND THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT! It’s lonely writing a book. Really lonely. But when I get feedback like this, I know I have kindred buddies out there.
I’m with you!
All the best to you and your families!
Michele Borba
August 8th, 2006 at 8:39 am
I hear you! I have an 8 year old boy and not a clue ! I spend alot of time crying over what failure of a parent I am. I am unintentionally destroying my child. He is a spoiled brat, but a wonderful person and I feel like I’m destroying everything good about him and nurturing everything bad. I truely, guiltily do not like being a mother. I have printed most of the articles listed on your site as a starting point to change my parenting skills.