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Sanity Savers for Raising Today’s Teen Today Show Friday April 25
By Michele Borba | April 28, 2008
Let’s face it, parenting a teen is sometimes like walking through a minefield. They’re usually moody, stressed and sleep deprived. Then add those hormones kicking in, and it’s enough to throw up your hands. Well don’t. The thing is teens desperately need our connection. And they desperately need our guidance. The parenting secret is picking your battles and upgrading your strategies that worked maybe for your school age kid so they fit your teen.
Meanwhile here are a few of the key tips I shared on the Today show on Friday to help you and your teen survive one of the most important periods of your child’s life.
1. Know Thyself.
Take a moment to think through what you really stand for and identify the values that matter most to you and your family. Ask yourself, hen your teen leaves the nest what values do you want her to take with her. Those are your nonnegotiables. Those issues are the ones to talk about most. Those are also ones she is most likely to adopt
2. Stick to That Curfew.
I’m a firm believer in curfews for three reasons:
• Teens need an excuse (mom will ground me for life if I don’t get home)
• They need sleep and if they stay out too late on a weekend they’re jet lagged andd worthless in that classroom the next days. It will help reduce risks.
• Teens brains need a external regular let it be you.
Create curfews in phases — early teens don’t need to stay out past ten then mid teen –go for eleven–until a teen can finally demonstrate the responsibility to stay out to twelve. Then set two key rules:
1. You must know where your child is going and who he is with at all times.
2. Your child must check in with you when home. (And then after you hug him check his eyes and smelll his breath. That’s the real free mobile phone ringtones cingular free go phone ringtones download free nokia ringtones download nextel ringtones software alltel free phone ringtones free ringtones for prepaid phone download free motorola ringtones real music ringtones free suncom ringtones free nokia ringtones composer free nokia ringtones and logo e315 motorola ringtones download free ringtones nokia kyocera ringtones ringtones for nokia phone us cellular ringtones free cellular phone ringtones cellular download free phone ringtones free phone ringtones verizon boost download free mobile ringtones trick
3. Don’t Worry Too Much About Clothes
Teens need to develop their own identity and deperately want to fit in. That’s one big part of their adolescent journey. One way to form their identity is through their clothing. So establish what you absolutely won’t tolerate your kid wearing in public. Please do read the school handbook and adhere to those rules).
Teens generally hate it. For what they’re worth here are my Three B Rules for clothing that seem to cover the basics: No bottoms, boobs or belly buttons may show in the clothing you wear. It’s clear and helps beat the “street walker” look and reduces battles. Use them if you like. Many a school district has incorporated them into their rule books.
Do talk about “image” and how it does matter. Don’t use the word “reputation” with a teen.
4. Privacy.
This is always an issue with parents. We have that secret deep fear that our kids may turn out like the next Columbine killers. But here’s’the problem: teens need their privacy. Just as you’re not going to share everything nor will they. Nor should they. They are struggling to find independence and identity. So my basic rule is let your child know you will honor that privacy. No reading her diary or going through her drawers. Or eavesdropping on a conversation.
Those rules are immediately broken if you have any founded concern (that means probable cause) that your child’s’ safety is in jeopardy. That means drugs,illegal activities, or suicidal thoughts. Be concerned if your teen becomes suddenly secretive or withdrawn or shows unusual amunts of anger or aggression. Pick the locks and strip search the room. You could be dealing with a life and death issue.
Of course we love our kids and worry. But we also have to keep a little perspective here.
Study after study proves that the best protective action you can take as a parent is to keep the lines of communication open with your child. Studies also show that parents who are most successful at raising kids who have strong identity, self-control, self-esteem and character are parents who provide less permissive environments. Those rules do matter so enforce them.
The vast majority of our teens turn out just fine thank you. It’s just that the path to getting to adulthood isn’t always smooth. But stay the course. Don’t give up. Stick to what matters most. And if you do need help, pick up the phone!
All the best!
Michele Borba
www.micheleborba.com
Topics: Parents Do Make A Difference |
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