Building Moral Intelligence Most experts agree on one critical finding: violence is learned. That means violent behaviors can be changed and replaced by peacefulness and self-control. The first step to raising peaceful kids is dispelling erroneous myths so they do turn out peaceful. MYTH 1: Peacefulness develops naturally. Kids aren't born knowing the skills of problem solving, conflict resolution, self-control, The skills of peacefulness (or Moral Intelligence) are learned! To ensure kids...

Building Moral Intelligence Kids don’t become homicidal maniacs overnight—violence is learned behavior. Here are nine critical tips to protect kids from violence and boost their peacefulness. Model coolness: kids are watching! Calmness is learned and starts at home, so parents must show kids they can keep cool even in crisis. A telling question parents should often ask is: “If my kid watched only my behavior, what did he see today?” Mandate home calmness. Set a family rule: “Talk only when...

Building Moral Intelligence What to expect in the early grade-school years During the early grade-school years, children grow more interested in the material world than they were back in kindergarten. Of course, at any age, kids vary widely in their acquisitiveness depending on how strongly materialism is emphasized at home, whether through exposure to TV or by older siblings or parents themselves. But, in general, many 6- to 8-year-olds are motivated by a combination of a young child's basic...

Building Moral Intelligence Young kids typically tell two different kinds of lies. The first type of mistruths are exaggerated tales told because it's what he wishes would happen. We should respond by acknowledging the child’s wish behind the comment. If he says, “I'm such a fast runner I could beat my teacher” you might say, “You wish you could run so fast you could even beat your teacher, don’t you?” One way to deal with a young child’s exaggerated truths is to explain the difference between...

How do you help kids say no to peer temptations so they act right? Shoplifting is rising among our youth - and the number one reason is peer pressure. Making reparations is a critical element of raising conscience. It takes real moral strength not to be influenced by others and say no to peers. Here's two points: first, kids can't say no unless they know what they stand for. We can't assume that they do. It's critical to spend a lot of time discussing what's right and wrong with your daughter...

Building Moral Intelligence Prejudice is learned! Our children are not born with prejudices and stereotypes. It clearly is an attitude that is picked up. The key is to stop it as soon as it appears. Parental influence on ending intolerance, as well as escalating it is huge. Here are three key points to keep in mind to eliminate intolerant behavior in kids. First, help kids see similarities instead of focusing on differences. We all have the same feelings, thoughts, concerns, and needs. Yes, he...

Building Moral Intelligence BEHAVIOR TIP: The best way to stop an inappropriate behavior is by getting at the root of the problem—what’s causing it in the first place. Whenever a child suddenly begins to misbehave, there's almost always an unresolved emotional need that's triggering it. The best way to correct the behavior is get at the root of what's causing it. No matter how strongly you stress morals and values at home, behavior problems with kids still emerge - particularly if there are...

Building Moral Intelligence Much as we try to make our kids feel equally loved, they accuse us of showing “favoritism.” I recently received the following email from a twelve-year old boy named Jordan. His message shows the damage of parental favoritism: I know my dad loves me and wants me to do really well in life, but he’s making me -feel so bad about myself. All he does is compare me to my brother and tell me I should try to be more like him. I know I can never be like him, but the worst...

Building Moral Intelligence We might as well call the close of America’s twentieth century the “Decade of Moral Erosion.” Think about it: The Internet became scarier; TV featured more casual sex and vulgarity; video games became even cruder; music lyrics were ruder; movies were often steamier and always more violent. And if that isn’t enough, data shows peer pressure became even fiercer. A recent Time/Nickelodeon survey of 991 kids ages nine to fourteen revealed some troubling facts: 36...

Building Moral Intelligence Young adolescence can be a troubling time. There are scores of disturbing indicators to prove it including the steady rise of impulsivity, depression, suicide, violence, peer cruelty, and substance abuse. In addition we are seeing a growing rise in disrespect for authority, incivility, vulgarity, cheating and dishonesty. We’ve been relentless in our efforts to make a change. But in all our interventions the one area often overlooked is the moral intelligence of the...

Parents are their kids' most powerful moral instructors, but often don't use their influence due to misconceptions. Michele Borba, author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues that Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, says these 7 parenting myths are especially deadly to kids' Moral IQ: MYTH 1: Moral intelligence develops naturally. One thing is certain: kids aren't born with moral intelligence. Moral IQ is learned! The best school for learning the critical habits of solid...

Consistency. Parents and caregivers need to sit down together and come to an agreement about their discipline. Then AGREE TO STICK WITH IT. Target the behavior. Be clear of what behaviors need to be changed. I call this the 3 Bear Approach to Discipline.. here's how: first list the behaviors she does TOO MUCH (that need changing).. list the behaviors she does TOO LITTLE (those she needs to tune up .. manners, coming in on time, respecting authority).. then remember to list the behaviors she...

In order for kids to read the feelings of others, they must have an adequate emotional vocabulary. To enhance your child's emotional intelligence, teach him the feeling words in the list that follows. Consider using a different feeling word each day or a new word each week. A afraid agitated alarmed angry antsy anxious apprehensive ashamed awful awkward B bashful bewildered bitter bored brave C calm caring cautious cheerful comfortable concerned confident confused content critical cross...

MORAL IQ TIP: Look for ways for your child to do kindly deeds, not just in your home but also in your community. For example: taking extra toys to a children's ward in a hospital, working at a soup kitchen, planting flowers at a shelter, or reading to the elderly. The more your child experiences the miracles of kindness when young, the greater the likelihood that she will make kindness a habit for life. These warning signs of violence were developed by the U.S. Department of Education If you...

The teacher read Alfred’s misbehavior report and shook her head. It was his third playground citation this week and it was always about his derogatory comments. “Alfred you can’t keep saying negative things to people,” she explained. “You’ve got to start acting more respectfully.” “I’ll try,” he sadly responded. “It’s just that I don’t know what respectfully means.” Teachers everywhere are voicing a concern: far too many of their students do not know the meaning of critical character traits....

MORAL IQ TIP: Make sure you are positive, affirming role model and surround your child with people of high character. Our most important role is raising our kids to become capable, well-adjusted human beings. Here are nine tips adapted from my book Parents Do Make a Difference that enhance our parenting success in reaching that critical goal. The formula for raising well-adjusted kids has two parts: nurture and limits. Is your parenting style evenly balanced between the two parts or are you...

10 Alarming Signs Reveal A Crisis of Character and Show MORAL IQ TIP: Refrain from always giving tangible rewards for your child’s efforts. Help her develop her own internal reward system in which she acknowledges herself for a job well done. Crime. Every 17 seconds in the U.S. a child is arrested; every 7 minutes a child is arrested for a violent crime. US kids are 10 times more likely to commit murder than comparably aged youths in Canada. CDF Suicide. Adolescent suicide has increased 400%...

MORAL IQ TIP: To teach kids self-control, you must show kids self-control, so be a living example of self-control. Dear Dr. Borba, My son’s only seven, but he’s been coming home upset every day. He says a boy named Mark keeps teasing him. Now the rest of the kids won’t play with him because they are afraid Mark will start picking on them, too. He’s miserable and doesn’t want to go to school. What can I do to help him? Some of the toughest problems parents must deal with happen right on the...

MORAL IQ TIP: Tune up your empathic behaviors so your child regularly sees you show concern for other people's “hurts and needs.” Then act on your concerns to comfort others so that your child can copy your actions. Boredom and heat can increase the negative behavior siblings exhibit toward one another. We can encourage a caring environment in the home by sensitizing our children to the feelings and thoughts of others. The following ideas are from my upcoming book, BUILDING MORAL INTELLIGENCE:...

MORAL IQ TIP: Violence is learned, but so too is calmness. Ask yourself: if my child only had my example to watch, what would he catch today? Dear Dr. Borba, All the articles about these school shootings have me so upset. How does something like this happen? I'm suddenly terrified to let my fourteen-year old go to school. Isn't there anything we can do to stop this violence? J. S. from Palm Beach, Florida Over these past few months I've received countless letters from parents who share a deep...

Tantrums and Meltdowns Tantrums are sure to be in the top of parents’ list of "obnoxious kid behaviors" and when your kid uses this routine in public it’s just plain humiliating. Here are a few secrets to stopping those meltdowns. Anticipate—don’t wait. Your best bet is to always anticipate the meltdown before the explosion. And each child has unique signs that a tantrum is on its way so watch for your child’s: a tight fist, antsiness, a certain whimper – then immediately redirect his...